Mr. and Mrs. X have been married a long time, but are only just now learning the mechanics of reconciliation: honest confession, restitution, forgiveness and peace. Before, their conflict management style was avoidance until things cooled down, and pretending the conflict or sin never happened, without ever confessing it and seeking forgiveness. They are making […]
Balloon Squish
In my last post, I mentioned what I call the Balloon Squish. I thought I ought to take a minute to explain that term. Two weeks after the party, you decide to clean behind the couch and in the process you find an old balloon. The balloon was full and vibrant two weeks ago, but […]
Sin vs. Sick
The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus. The greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is. Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does […]
Discovering Depression
In his book, The Loss of Sadness, Allan Horwitz pointed out that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuals have taken more and more symptoms and classified them under the umbrella term of depression. Of course, given the name of the book, Horwitz’s main concern was the topic of sadness. His thesis, or observation, is that people […]
The Importance of Language in Counseling
Language is very important in counseling. Of course, God created language and he uses it all the time. He used it to create the universe. He used it to visit us in history. He used it to communicate with us to help us in our infirmity. We use it to communicate with one another. Involving […]
Halo Data
Gathering data is one of the most important parts of giving good and godly counsel (Pro. 18:13). The two primary ways a counselor can gather data are directly and indirectly. Jay Adams says “overtly and covertly” (The Biblical Counselor’s Manuel, p. 257ff.) Direct information comes as a result of asking the counselee for information and […]
The Preconditioning Level
The preconditioning level is “the long-standing underlying pattern of non-biblical responses which often stems back into childhood.” It is a term used by Jay Adams in Competent to Counsel to describe the third level of involvement in the counseling process (p. 148). When the counselee comes to your office, he tells you what brought him […]
Complicating Problems
A complicating problem, also called a secondary problem, is a problem that comes as a result of not handling the primary problem correctly in the first place. Jay Adams gives an example of complicating problems in his book Competent to Counsel, when he discusses how sin, not dealt with Biblically, spirals downward, out of control. […]
The Concept of “Presentation Level” and “Performance Level”
Working with people and their problems is often like working with an onion. To get to the heart of the matter, you often have to peel off several layers. People usually come to me with issues in their lives that they know they need to do something about. They know they are having trouble. What […]