Fear of Man

I ran across an article this morning and thought I would write a little something about it.

So, this isn’t going to start out like a post about the article, but I’ll get back to it eventually. The thing that sparked my interest is the idea that being a people pleaser is a personality type. Back when I was in college, we used to mess around with personality tests to see what type we all were. In seminary, we all had to take a personality test to see if we were suited for ministry. Then, later, when I was trying to be placed as a pastor in the denomination I was serving I had, once again, to take a personality test.

When I read this article, I did a little internet search on personality types and found that the whole idea of personality types began with Carl Jung and his book, Psychological Types, published in 1923 (in English). Isn’t it interesting that no one talked about personality types before then?

Since then, the “science” of personality types has grown like crazy. Jung identified two essential types, introverts and extroverts. From there he branched out and showed that within each of those types there were what he called thinking and feeling types. Then there were four, choleric, melancholic, sanguine, and phlegmatic. In other theories, there are as many as 16 different personality types. Of course, everyone knows that people aren’t that simple and so their theories seek to cover the various kinds of people in ways that fit their theory.

The main things I want to mention here are first, that no one talked this way until psychology became the state religion. Before that, everyone just went merrily along their way, not knowing what their personality types were and for the most part, were happy not to know.

The second thing to note is that personality traits are observations about people. They are descriptions. They aren’t definitive nor are they authoritative. That means because they are descriptive, they can change from day to day. I remember when I took my last exam, that there were so many questions that sounded almost exactly the same that I could imagine that if I had taken the test when I didn’t feel good, or when I was sad, or unusually happy, the results might be very different. Observations and descriptions are not predictors or definers.

Since this is true, it is important to mention that personality types can change. Or rather, personalities can change. Who you are one day might be an entirely different person the next. You might be a salesman, trying to sell a widget one moment, and then become a people pleaser the next, trying to help an old lady across the street.

In the world of psychology and personality type theory, who you are is who you are. If you are phlegmatic, that’s what you are. If you are choleric, that’s who you are. If you are an introvert, that’s who you are. And by analogy, if you are a people pleaser, that’s who you are.

But was this true before 1923 when Carl Jung invented personality types?

It seems obvious to me that people are who they are. Some people are naturally more like Eeyore than others. Some more like Pooh. Some like Rabbit. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that this is true. People are different from one another and also like one another.

The temptation, however, and this is what I’m leaning against, is that when someone gets a diagnosis of a personality type, they don’t know that it is a description and instead think it is a diagnosis. Instead of understanding that there are a bunch of people who act and think like that, and you, at this moment are acting and thinking as they think, we usually think we are that kind of person. 

The problem with this is that if we are phlegmatic, that defines us and that’s that. The temptation is to do research on how we ought to think and behave. And sometimes part of that research is to try to find out what personality types get along best with my personality type and only hang out with those kinds of people. Also, we will do research to find out what kind of people our personality type doesn’t get along with and avoid those kinds of people. But it’s all based on descriptions, not actual facts. And it all assumes that people can’t or don’t change.

Here’s one scenario where this can be tragic. Suppose you’ve been married, even happily married, for 28 years and someone says, “Hey, let’s take a personality test to see what type our personality is.” And you say, “Okay, that sounds like fun.” Then you take it and find out that the test revealed that your personality type doesn’t get along with the type of personality your wife’s test revealed she is. Now, what do you do? Well, of course, if you’re smart, you’ll junk the personality test. If you believe in those kinds of things, your life could get very difficult.

Where Is Jesus In All This?

Back to the article. The main points of the article are that people with people pleaser personality types can be very susceptible to alcohol and drug addiction because part of the culture of drugs and alcohol has to do with the community experience. There’s a sense in which people who want to please others will join in with others to abuse themselves with the result that they become addicted to drugs and alcohol. In addition, if a person has a people-pleasing personality type, rehabilitation can be much more difficult because the addict might care more about the opinions of friends outside the treatment center and thus have a more difficult time taking advantage of the treatment. Also, when released from the treatment center, having a people-pleaser personality type will make relapsing much easier.

According to all the research, your personality is who you are. You can’t really change. So, what hope is there for someone addicted to drugs and/or alcohol if they are a people pleaser? I suppose they could change their surroundings (which oddly wasn’t mentioned in the article) and hang out with people who aren’t abusing drugs or alcohol. The article gave four techniques to get rid of the people pleaser personality. But again, if the personality type can’t be gotten rid of, what hope is there to follow the techniques?

The thing the article got right is that people often want to please others, even to the point where they get themselves into trouble. But where they go off the rails is to ascribe the thinking and behavior as a personality trait or type rather than a sinful behavior.

Ed Welch says this,

“All experiences of the fear of man, share at least one common feature: people are big. They have grown to idolatrous proportions in our lives. They control us. Since there is no room in our hearts to worship both God and people, whenever people are big, God is not. Therefore, the first task in escaping the snare of the fear of man is to know that God is awesome and glorious, not other people” (When People Are Big and God Is Small, 95).

The Bible says, 

The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. (Pro 29:25) 

I do not receive honor from men. But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God? (Jn 5: 41–42, 44) 

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. (Deut 31:6) 

But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed. “And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.” But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; (1 Pet 3:14–15)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psa 27:1) 

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Heb 13:5–6) 

If psychology is correct. Your fear of man cannot be conquered. That’s just who you are. But if the Bible is correct and you have submitted your life to Jesus Christ, drawing near to him will cause the devil to flee from you (Jas 4:7).

Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well-pleasing to Him. (2 Cor 5:9).

We are not left with “don’t be afraid of what people think of you.” Instead, we are left with, be concerned, very concerned with what God thinks of you. Are you being pleasing to him right now? Do you even give a little bit of a whit what others think of you when you are striving with every fiber of your being to please him?

We stop trying to please others when we determine to please and glorify the King of kings and Lord of lords. And because it isn’t a personality type, it is a sinful choice, with the Holy Spirit’s power, we can obey.