Update On Cancer

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore (Psalm 121:1–8). 

This psalm has been one of my favorites for a long time. When we were in the Navy, Doug Wilson put music to the psalm and we sang it on the submarine. “I lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence does my  help come…” It was a long time ago. And since then, I’ve worked to do what it says, especially when things get squirrely.

Where does help come from? The Lord who made heaven and earth. He won’t slumber or sleep. He won’t let your foot slip. He will guard your coming and your going. He’s in it with you. Both now and forever. It’s difficult, in print, to express the emotion that the words and music evoke. But when life is hard, what you do with your attention, desires, emotions, actions, etc. makes all the difference. And to know that you can always turn your eyes upon Jesus and that he cares, really cares, makes a huge impact on how things go. And even though he might not change the circumstances, he will change you to make the circumstances glorious and to make you more like Jesus. It is good.

This past Thursday, I had my second set of shots to suppress my testosterone. The first shot was the same medicine as last time. The doctor didn’t give me as much as the first time, which is good because that round really hurt for almost a week. This time it still hurts, but the little medicine balls aren’t balls, only ball, and it is not as large as last time. It still hurts, but the doctor injected it a little bit higher, so it isn’t right at my belt level. The other shot contained medication that is supposed to help my body put calcium into my bones. The lack of testosterone will weaken the bones and the calcium will strengthen them. So, the second shot is to counter the side effects of the first shot.

I found out that my being tired all the time and a bit dizzy when I stand up is part of the treatment. I thought I was just out of shape and old, but no. Well, I’m that too, but it is a side effect of not having any testosterone. I’m also noticing that I’m a lot more emotional than before. This morning I looked out the kitchen window and noticed some of Eileen’s favorite flowers starting to bloom. I burst into tears. Wow! Where did that come from? And then later I got all weepy when I was thinking about Psalm 121 and what it has meant to me over the years. And on and on. Even now, as I write…

I guess this will make my marriage counseling better. Now I know what’s going on from both sides. I can look at both husband and wife and say and mean, I “get it.”

Oh, I don’t know if this is part of the cancer or the treatment (or just that old guy thing), but when I went out to play my first round of golf, I tweaked my back on the third hole. I was trying to be very careful and not hit the ball hard. It was in the middle of a gentle tee shot when I heard a loud crack sound, and my back went all crazy. So, I picked up my ball and came home. Since then (this was Thursday right after my injections), I’ve been taking pain meds and icing and heating it. Today, it’s better, but it still feels like it wants to hurt me.

Otherwise, I’m still working as normal. I’ve added lifting weights to my life (this is part of the treatment program). I’m eating all sorts of new things and taking all kinds of new supplements (people are sending me stuff and recommending things). I’m even looking into taking deworming medicine.

Thank you for your prayers. Perhaps God will listen to one or all of you and heal me completely. On the other hand, to be with the Lord would be far better (Phil 1:21, 23). But I don’t think I’m quite finished here yet (he knows). Also, while the stats seem to indicate my kind of cancer being pretty aggressive (meaning a pretty short life span after discovery), I could still live with you all for several more years.

I guess we’ll see. Isn’t life grand? That’s why I like looking at it like a great adventure.