Like Christ Loved the Church

Mike,

A few months ago in counseling my wife brought up some examples of ‘what I say and how I say it’ hurtful things. In that instance you said if I were a member of your church, you would ask me to leave the communion table. Did I hear that right and can you explain it again please?

Thank you,

Confused and Wondering

Hi C & W,

We have communion every week here at Christ Church. Sometimes, when people want to sin more than walk with God, we can “suspend” them from the Table as a warning that their sin is causing us to wonder if they are actually a Christian at all. The suspension is a shot across the bow, to help get their attention. They need to realize that Christians don’t think, feel, and act in certain ways, ways that go against Biblical principles. If you would like to read a good article on this topic and where we find the principle in the Bible, you can go here.

The hoped-for result is that the person who has been suspended will realize that what they are doing is more sinful than what they think, and they will feel the conviction of God that says, they need to confess their sin and repent of it. Then, when they repent, we lift the suspension and everyone rejoices and goes on with God.

An unfortunate outcome would be if the person continues in their pride and disobedience to the Lord. Then, we move to the next level, which is to excommunicate them. Excommunication is a permanent barring from the Table accompanied by a recognition and proclamation that they are not a Christian at all.

The way you were talking to your wife was unconscionable. One way you can see this is to imagine what you would think if you heard someone else talking to her like that. I think I mentioned this in my office. You would undoubtedly go a little bit nuts if someone talked to her that way. Well, if others don’t get to talk to her like that, what makes you think you get to?

The Bible says for husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church (Eph 5:21). Peter tells us that when they were calling him names and killing him, he refused to respond in kind. That is, he didn’t insult them back. he didn’t yell at them. He didn’t call them names. He took it…for them (1 Pet 2:21-25). Then, Peter tells husbands to treat their wives in the same way (1 Pet 3:7).

At the time, your comments were that you spent a significant amount of time, in your younger years, being a doormat and “taking it” from everyone around you. Then, something happened and you realized that you didn’t need to “take it” from anyone anymore and this current behavior is you living that out. But what you don’t understand is that Jesus wasn’t a doormat. He actively chose to love those who killed him. He wasn’t “taking it,” he was “giving it.” He laid down his life, it wasn’t taken from him.

Loving your wife like Christ loved the church doesn’t mean becoming her doormat, it means becoming an active and aggressive lover. It means loving like the Bible tells us to love. When she slaps you on one cheek, turn the other one (Mt. 5:39). If she makes your life harder, go the extra mile (Mt. 5:41). If she calls you names, love her. If she doesn’t do what you want her to do, love her anyway. If she becomes your enemy in every way, bless her, pray for her, pour yourself out for her. (Mt 5:44). If she spends money that is bad for the household, help her to lovingly respond and submit herself to God first by being an example of what this love and submission looks like. Love her until she loves what you love and then love her even more. You aren’t being a milquetoast, you’re being like Jesus.

Oh, and even though it looks, or maybe feels like you aren’t, you are leading. Jesus changed the world by actively and lovingly laying down his life for his friends.

I hope this helps.

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