Helping Older Women

Dear Pastor Mike,

My wife is attending a Bible study at a nearby church with a number of older women. Each week she comes home frustrated with much of the teaching she is hearing there and wants to know how to help the ladies with their understanding of the Bible and their relationships with God. Can you help?

Wondering in Seattle

Hi Wondering,

I have a few ideas. First, she needs to make sure she is interested more in loving these women than in “fixing” them. People don’t usually respond well when they are being fixed, but they often will be attracted to someone who genuinely loves them. So, that’s first. Love the women.

Second, take the long view. Often when a young person sees error, they want to help right now. But they often don’t have the standing in the group to be heard. So, combined with number one above, love the ladies and get to know them. She should take the time to make sure she really understands what they are teaching, learning, and believing. She should also pay attention to why they think what they think.

Third, I suggest that the way she find out what they think, besides simply observing, is to ask questions. She should take care to not as challenging questions, but rather clarifying and expanding questions. An example of the first might be, “You said earlier X, but now you’re saying Y, what’s with that?” An example of the latter would be, “I was wondering if you would explain how you understand this text to be saying Y?” Of course, the tone when asking the question is important here.

One of the things that will happen, over time, is that the right questions, combined with the right passages, will work to create a relationship with the women that will slowly begin to let the others know that your wife has something on the ball with regard to the discussions. She will be creating capital with the ladies. Soon, they will be asking her what she thinks about the topics and passages. When this happens, she should be ready to kindly, sweetly, and winsomely answer them in a way that builds them up rather than tears them down.

Remember the goal is to please God, glorify God, and love the ladies into loving what she loves. It isn’t about being right. It is about everyone becoming like Christ. And this might take some time, but done well, it will result in good fruit.

I hope this helps.