Change is Hard Part 1

I work with a lot of people who need to make some changes in the way they think about God and their subsequent behavior. Some people take to change like ducks to water. But other people really have a hard time changing. I’d like to take a few moments to talk about why I think that is and how to go about overcoming these things and actually changing.

• We really don’t want to change. Down in our bones, we like who we are and are becoming and changing just isn’t something we really want to do.

When people come into my office and say things like this it is usually masking one or more of the other things on this list. If I pushed them about not wanting to change, for example, I asked the women, why they are wearing something different today and not what they wore yesterday, they would say, of course, they like to change their clothes. So, they do like change, the just don’t want to change in whatever area has come up in the discussion.

Once we get that figured out, my goal is to help this person know that God loves them and wants to change them. He wants them to be more like Jesus and this involves change. They may like who they are, but life isn’t smooth for folks who are the center of their own little world. The Bible says, “the way of the unfaithful is hard” (Pr 13:15). This is because God is the center of the universe and won’t share that spot with anyone else.

• When we enjoy our sin change is difficult. The Bible says that sin is pleasurable, at least for a season (Heb 11:25). We like the feeling we get when we cut loose and do what our lusts and desires want to do. At that moment we don’t really care what anyone else thinks. We are having a really good time. Why change?

It is true that sin is pleasurable for a season, but what that means is that the pleasure wears off and usually rather quickly. It is called the law of diminishing returns. What this means is that we get used to things we invent and then we need something to come along that will ramp up the thrill. And more and more. At some point, we run into that verse we just quoted, “But the way of the unfaithful is hard” (Pr 13:15). What began as a thrill and happiness, transforms into bondage and anguish.

• We think things would go much better if the other person changed and just left us alone. This is the other side of the first one. If my co-worker would just realize life would be much better if she changed, we would get along so much better.

This is another true one but isn’t likely to happen. When our children are small, we try to implement this in them. They bug us so we yell at them and tell them to “grow up” and leave us alone. But as they do grow up, they become just like us and turn the yelling around and tell us to get with their program and then we have WWIII and lots of loud sounds. Two proud people trying to get the other to change to appease them. But God calls us to serve one another (Gal 5:13), to love one another (1 Jn 3:11), to lay down our lives for one another (Jn 15:13). Change can happen when we start the process by humbling ourselves.

• Change requires that we admit that we need to change. We would need to admit that, at least in the area of relationships, we aren’t doing things right. We might even be in sin. That’s really hard to do—admit our own humanness. And when we can’t/won’t admit our sin, change is virtually impossible.

This really is the beginning of change. We can’t really change until we can humble ourselves to confess that we have failed, sinned, fallen, not measured up, etc. Then, when we confess our sins, God forgives us and cleanses us from all our shame and guilt (1 Jn 1:9). It takes laying down our life and submitting to God to think, do, and say whatever he has for us. Then he will take us and transform us into the likeness of his son.

• Besides enjoying our situation, there is something about the status quo that makes change difficult. We’re used to the way things are. It is hard to change away from what we’re used to. It’s a habit.

There’s a lot of talk about “normal” lately. I think normal isn’t really normal. We just think it is because we aren’t paying attention. We notice it when big things happen to us and then it becomes an issue. When my wife died, some folks said, “Welcome to the new normal.” I didn’t know what that meant then, but what I think it means is that life was a certain way before, now it is not that anymore. But we spend a lot of time trying to get back to normal and I just don’t think we ever can. This is because normal wasn’t really normal at all, it was just life. Everything is in flux, always changing. The Bible says God is in everything, working to make us more like Christ (Rom 8:28-29). This means constant change, no normal. James says, “you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that” (Jas 4:15). To stay stuck on what we’re used to, or the status quo, or to fight for “normal” is to make changing difficult and God won’t let us stay there. 

• On the other hand, changing to something different can be, usually is scary. The new is unknown and the unknown is scary. Fear is a reason why change can be difficult. Fear of the unknown.

At the point the “what ifs” can kick in. What if there’s something large out there? What if I change and she takes advantage of me? What if I repent and I’m the only one? What if life gets harder? This is why Jesus said we need to lay down our lives and take up our crosses (Mt 16:24). Following Jesus is scary. But he is glorious and we need to know that whatever he has for us will be 10,000 times greater than anything we have in mind for ourselves. It is a mystery and mysteries are scary, especially when we’re the one wandering around in the dark. But we have one who is looking out for us and he owns everything.

I hope this helps. There is another bunch I’m working on for the next post.

Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels