They Were Big And It Was Dark
It’s interesting how often sins seem to come in bunches. In the past couple of weeks I’ve heard several stories of men biting the dust in the area of adultery. I live in a college town and so porn problems are pretty common, but actual adultery is, thankfully, pretty rare.
The reason I’m writing on this topic at this time is because, while the folks have admitted the adultery, and they have said, “there’s no one to blame, but me. I take full responsibility” there is always a subtle series of excuses and blame-shifting that accompanies the confession. For example, one woman said, “I don’t know what happened. We went to the bar, my husband was talking to a friend, and a fellow asked me if I wanted to dance. My husband was busy and I wanted to dance, so I danced.” They were big and it was dark.
One man said he didn’t know what happened. He was looking at his social media page. An old girlfriend sent him a note, he was having trouble with his wife, and this old flame asked if he wanted to talk. What could go wrong with that? He said “Yes.” They met at her apartment. They were big and it was dark.
Most recently, a man said, “I wasn’t seeking or looking for any actions outside of our marriage…the Bible is clear about staying sharp and aware of Satan’s pitfalls. I fell in a massive pitfall of Satan’s.” They were big and it was dark.
The bible tells a story about a young fathead who got himself into trouble. You can find it in the book of Proverbs (chapter 7). The point of the story is that an older man is telling a younger man to pay attention so that he won’t follow in the fathead’s path. There are a few things I would like to point out about the story: first, the fellow didn’t just fall into trouble with the wanton woman. He was “passing along the street near her corner” (v. 8). Then he went down her street and passed by her house (v. 8). Then it was pointed out that it was getting dark (v. 9). What could go wrong? Did the young fellow just happen into that part of town? Was it an accident that he found himself in her neighborhood, on her street? Was the decision to sleep with her the first bad decision he made that day? Was sleeping with her the only lie he told? No! No! No!
He went there on purpose. We wanted to sin. He told himself he wanted to flirt with the danger of the sin. He told himself he could hold out. He wouldn’t be taken in…again. But all of a sudden, she came out…
We’re talking about adultery, but this same thing happens with most sin. The average Christian sets himself/herself up for sin in the same way. I call it being edgy. They want to be right on the edge of the danger and not sin. They want the thrill of being tempted, but don’t want to sin. But then…
She was beautiful (he could see exciting parts of her body) and she seemed to like him. She caught him and kissed him, telling him he was wonderful (vss. 10-13). They were big and it was dark.
The first lie is that he didn’t know he was going to get into this mess. He had no idea where he was. He just sort of stumbled upon the neighborhood, the street, the address. He just found himself in trouble. Bam! There I was!
The second lie is that she chased him around until she caught him. He wanted to get away, but her argument was so good. “No one will know.” “My husband is out of town and he’s an open minded fellow anyway.” “You’re wonderful.” The text says, “With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him (v.21). “It wasn’t my fault. She caused me to sleep with her. She beguiled me. She forced me. I had no choice.” They were big and it was dark.
But the truth is that he “immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks (v. 22). The section finishes with “he did not know it would cost his life” (v. 23).
At the end of the day, it is true that the adulterer was tempted by someone who had an evil agenda, but we are all responsible for our own lives, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. There will be terrible judgement for the one who causes others to sin (Mt 18:6), but we are responsible for our own sin without blaming it on circumstances or others.
One might say, “It was hard to keep off her street because my wife and I are having troubles at home,” or “he was busy and I wanted to dance,” but these are excuses and blame shifting. We are really blaming others for our sinful behavior and justifying what we’ve done so that we don’t have to take the entire blame and judgement. If we can get away with sharing the guilt and shame, maybe we can maintain some kind of pride in ourselves.
But God calls to confess our sin; all of it, all the way down to the ground. He doesn’t want to leave us with any pride. He wants humble servants. He wants us to imitate King David when he said,
For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom (Ps 51:3–6)
This is the confession and response of someone who is owning his sin. He isn’t making excuses. He isn’t justifying his sin. He acknowledges that his sin is eternal and immense. He has sinned against God and deserves total annihilation. But he’s pouring himself out to the God of the universe and asking if there isn’t something that can be done for him. In the next section he said,
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. (Ps 51:7–11)
If only God will hear his plea and forgive him. What’s to be done? How can anything urge God to forgive? He’s sinned against heaven and against his family. How can he ever be fixed and restored?
Praise God! He has a plan! Here’s another snippet from one of David’s psalms,
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. (Ps 32:5)
The Apostle John told us that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 Jn 1:9). So, the answer is to confess our sin to God, to pour ourselves on his mercy and beg him to forgive us. But in the process, we need to actually confess what we did as our own. We did it, we’re responsible for it. We’re ready willing and convinced that we need to do whatever we can to repair the ruins of our actions.
They weren’t really big, and it was dark, but that wasn’t the problem. I chose to sin. I did it. It was my fault. I planned to do it. I went to the bar. I went to the internet. I went to her apartment. I went to her neighborhood, down her street, into her apartment. My flirting with temptation was sinful in itself. I was playing with my desires, which were sinful in themselves.
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