For Those Who Refuse to Forgive

I was reading The Freedom And Power of Forgiveness, by John MacArthur this afternoon and came across a number of quotations I thought were especially helpful. Here they are:

“Since God commands us to forgive others, refusing to do so is an act of direct disobedience against Him. Let me say it plainly: refusing to forgive is a horrible sin.”

“But Scripture is clear that God despises an unforgiving spirit.”

“An unforgiving Christian is a contradiction in terms. When you see a professing Christian who stubbornly refuses to relinquish a grudge, there’s good reason to question the genuineness of that person’s faith.”

“We’re all too prone to nurse offenses and withhold forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness requires us to set aside our selfishness, accept with grace the wrongs others have committed against us, and not demand what we think is our due.”

“In fact, this [forgiveness] was so much a running motif in Jesus’ earthly sermons and sayings that one would have to be willfully blind to miss the point.”

These quotations are all from pages 97 and 98.

As I finished the chapter what impacted me most was God’s incredible reaction against people who refuse to forgive those who have sinned against them. He won’t forgive those who refuse to forgive others (Mt. 5:15). Jesus likens someone who won’t forgive to being “delivered to the torcherers until….” Not forgiving is a very serious offense against God.

Reflecting on this point leads me to conclude that if there is an opportunity to forgive someone, we should take it without looking back. If my relationship with God, indeed my whole salvation is dependent on my forgiving those who have sinned against me, then I’m going to forgive everyone I get a chance to forgive.

Am I saying that we earn our salvation by forgiving others? Of course not. But one of the signs that I know God and that I know what God has done for me is that I imitate him by forgiving others. If I refuse to forgive, I show that I don’t understand my own forgiveness.

Someone might say, “You don’t understand, life is hard. People have really hurt me. They have lied to me. Taken my stuff. Taken my life, my history, my future. They have ruined me. I’m not the same person I would have been had I never met them. I’m a mess because of them. How can I let them get away with it by forgiving them?” Or someone might say, “Their repentance isn’t real. They don’t really mean it. They’ve done the same sin a hundred times.”

To which I respond, You’re right I don’t understand your life in the specifics. But I do understand that whatever they did and are doing to you doesn’t even come close to what you’ve done to God. You are measuring the size, seriousness, and depth of your situation according to who the sin was against. It was against you. You. The center of your life. It was horrible. But what you’ve forgotten or don’t understand, is that your sin is against God. The creator of the universe. The one who spoke everything into existence. The one who keeps your heart beating and your lungs changing air into energy. Your sin is infinitely greater than anything anyone has done against you and he is holding out forgiveness to you as a free gift.

A free gift—free to you. It took the death of his son to pay for your forgiveness. You sinned, and he took the hit for your sin. Isn’t that your problem with forgiving your friend? Aren’t you afraid that if you forgive him, he’ll “get away with it”? Why else are you holding his sin against him? Do you think your anger, bitterness, rage and rudeness is going to do something to pay him back or get revenge or justice? All you’re doing by withholding forgiveness is storing up God’s wrath for yourself.

Here’s something else you may not have thought about. The Bible tells us all over the place that God is the God of justice. He hates sin worse than you ever could. This means that he is not going to let someone who has sinned against you go. He promised us that vengeance is his, he will repay (Rom 12:19). He won’t let that sinner person get away with it. Where you have no control, power, or ability, God has given his word that he will deal with that sin.

So, your lack of forgiveness shows something else. It shows that you don’t understand your own forgiveness, and it shows that you don’t believe that God will be just. It shows that you don’t have faith to obey God by forgiving others and it shows that you don’t have the faith to trust that God will be a just judge regarding sins committed against you.

Here’s the thing: The Bible tells us that Jesus suffered as an example for us to follow (1 Pet 2:21). One of the things he asked for while he was dying was, “Father, forgive them…” (Lk 23:34). The 1 Peter passage goes on to relate that when the folks were killing him, cursing him, and reviling him, he didn’t respond in kind. His death was in keeping with his request—Forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” Instead, the Bible says, he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. Instead of trying to “get even,” “get justice,” stand up for my rights,” and whatever reason you won’t forgive that guy, Jesus let God deal with those who killed him.

Finally, as I was reading Dr. MacArthur’s book, Matthew 18:31 stood out to me. It says, “so when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.” It makes me think a couple of things: first, it makes me want to make sure that I’m forgiving those who sin against me (that log in the eye thing) and second, it makes me realize that I need to be more upset about people I know who won’t forgive those around me and that I need to tattle on them. So, from now on, I’m going to be praying for those who come into my sphere of life who refuse to forgive those who sin against them.

I’m not finished with the book yet, but so far it is very worth reading. So, on the basis that what I’ve seen so far and trusting that nothing is going to change, I highly recommend it to you.