Needs, Obligations, Rights

One of the things that make the yellow lights in my head start blinking is when people say things like, “When God tells us to X for Y. This means that Y needs X.” Then the yellow lights go to red when someone adds, “I’m Y and therefore needy, you’re part of everyone else and you owe me X.” There are a couple of reasons why this bothers me. The biggest reason is that the Bible doesn’t talk like this. To be sure, the Bible does say that people have needs. Paul said we need one another (1 Cor 12), young Christians need someone to clearly teach them (Heb 5:12), and we all need food and drink (Mt 6:32). In Acts, the new Christians “had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all, as anyone had need” (Acts 2:45). But in all these examples, and all the rest in Scripture, the emphasis is on the giving, not one the getting. The gift and the gift giver are the emphases, not the person receiving the gift. If anything, the needy person is actually a gift to those who need to give. The fact that people have needs is a blessing for those who need to give. And this is an enormous difference from the idea that the command to do X for Y implies that Y has a need for X, or that we all owe X to Y because he has needs.

One very clear example of this is when God tells us to love him with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength (Deut 6:5). This command doesn’t imply or assert that God needs to be loved nor does it imply that because he needs us to love him that we owe him love. Rather it is an assertion that we need to love and we need to love him. Our love does not change him, it changes us. It is not for his good, but for ours. He doesn’t need our love. He is love.

The assertion or assumption should be something like this, “God commanded us to X for Y because we need to X.” The emphasis is on what we need to be doing, not on what Y needs.

Some might be thinking that I’m splitting hairs here. Making a mountain out of a molehill. And in a sense, I am. But what I am talking about is being influenced by the world rather than the other way around. The world is selfish and assumes that because I am a Y I have needs that need to be met. This is worldly not godly. The Bible is all about flipping things on their heads and doing things differently than the world does them. Assuming that those passages that tell us to X for Ys are about those who need X rather than those who need to do X is a worldly understanding of Scripture.

The next step in this worldly mindset, hear that if someone should to do X for me because I am a Y, and my being a Y means that I need X, then this means that everyone owes me X. And, hot on the heels of this logical train wreck comes, if I need X and God tells you to X me, therefore you owe me X, then I have a right to X.

Now Y not only needs X, having X has become a right. Not only should people X him because he needs it, they should X him because it is his right. Y deserves X. What could be wrong with this? It is demonic, satanic, unbiblical, straight out of the pit of Hell. Strong huh?

I’m all about practical theology. Let’s make what we’re talking about real instead of Xs and Ys.

Here’s a concrete example found in my office several times a week. The Bible says, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her” (Eph 5:33). Read in a worldly way, many people see almost instantly that women need to be loved and men need respect. In many cases, people go from “husbands love your wife” and “wives respect your husband” to “he needs to love me” and “she needs to respect me” so quickly that it is as if the command wasn’t there at all. The next step from needing it to it being owed to it being a right goes by so fast that it is really amazing to watch.

If a husband needs to be respected and his wife isn’t respecting him, she owes it to him, it is her duty, he needs to do something about it. So, what does he do? He gets angry (frustrated he says), he yells, he stomps around, he leaves and takes up a hobby, or another woman who does respect him. He does everything except what God tells him he needs to do. Conversely, when a wife reads the verse and realizes that her unhappiness is due to the fact that her husband isn’t loving her and she needs love, it is her right, his duty, what does she do in reaction? She nags, complains, commands, cajoles, heckles, she does everything except what God tells her she needs to do.

But is that what this verse is saying? Is this verse or any other in Scripture teach that we have needs that aren’t being met? No! Scripture’s commands tell us what to do because we need to do those things. Men need to love their wives. Wives need to respect their husbands. Why? Because God is molding us into the image of his Son. We are becoming like Jesus when we obey God’s commands.

Do wives need love? Of course, just as the poor need food and clothing. Do husbands need respect? Yes, like we all need a place to live. But where does God tell us to find and fulfill these kinds of needs?

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:31–33)

So, should we love our wives because they need love? No, and yes. We should love our wives because we love God and he tells us to love our wives. Our wives need love, but when we love them we are answering their prayer through God. If wives demand that their husbands do what they need, they don’t understand how God is working in the world. They are being worldly.

Should wives respect their husbands because they need to be respected? No, and yes. Wives should respect their husbands because they love God and God tells them to respect their husbands. Their husbands need respect, but when the wife is respecting her husband, he is receiving respect, fulfilling his need from God through is his wife. If a husband demands that his wife respect him to fill his need, he is sinning against her and against God. He doesn’t understand how God works in the world. He is being worldly.

When we are given a command X, we are supposed to do that command because God gave it. If we are the recipient of X, we are supposed to expect, demand, or complain that X isn’t what we ordered. We are supposed to look to God to find out what we are supposed to do.