As Christ Loves the Church – Gave himself

What does “gave himself” mean in Ephesians 5:25? I ran into this question as I was trying to learn to live with my wife in an understanding way. What does Paul mean when he says to love your wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself?

What Jesus did when he gave himself is a huge area of discovery, study, and of course application. What I want to talk about here is one small part of what it means that Jesus gave himself for the church. That aspect of his giving his life for us in the event of the cross. In this post, I don’t want to go into the aspects of the cross that entail the sacrifice, or atonement, or forgiveness, or any of that. I hope to write about all that later. For now, I want to bring our attention to the actual event itself and how husbands need to have the attitude Jesus had when he went to the cross for his bride.

The first thing to notice is that Jesus went to the cross because the Father sent him to earth for that reason. The most famous verse in the Bible tells us that the Father sent his son to die as a gift to mankind (Jn. 3:16, 17). The plan of God throughout history was to save mankind through the death of a suitable sacrifice; one who was sinless and could represent both God and man. Jesus, God’s only begotten son fit that bill perfectly. Jesus knew the father had sent him. In his pastoral prayer in John 17 he said, “As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world” (v. 18). He knew the Father had sent him. In John 12:27, Jesus admitted that he knew he had come to die. He said, “Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save Me from this hour’? But for this purpose I came to this hour.” The “hour” he was referring to was his death. The father had sent him to earth to die, and he knew it, embraced it, and endured the cross in anticipation of the joy on the other side (Heb. 12:1-2).

The second thing we should notice in this is that, as already alluded to, Jesus gave himself for the church because he loved her. She was his friend. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (Jn. 15:13). Often, Bible presents the church as lost sheep, in a sense innocent, but confused, lonely, lost, in need of a savior. And that’s what she was and is. Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Mt. 11:28–30). Are you alone, lost, bearing an impossible load, filled with guilt, shame, suffering? Come to Christ. Take his burden, hook yourself into his yoke and surrender yourself to the Jesus who gave himself for you because he loved you.

There’s another way the church is presented in the Bible. We see it when we notice that all of those saints in the first century came to trust in Christ after his resurrection and ascension. There’s another side to Jesus’ gift. Sometimes we talk about Jesus death as if it was done in a vacuum, but if Jesus died, someone had to kill him. Who was that?

In Acts 2:36 Peter preaching at that first Christian Pentecost said, “Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.” “Whom you crucified…” The people standing there crucified this Jesus. There are a couple of ways you might take this. You might say the people of God, the church, of the Old Covenant killed Jesus. In chapter 3 after healing a lame man and being called on the carpet for it Peter said, “But you denied the Holy One and the Just, and asked for a murderer to be granted to you, and killed the Prince of life, whom God raised from the dead, of which we are witnesses” (Acts 3:14–15). They “killed the Prince of life.” In 4:10, at another defense of what they were doing, Peter said, “let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole.” “Whom you crucified…” Again, in the fifth chapter, Peter, hauled in to talk to the governing authorities said, “The God of our fathers raised up Jesus whom you murdered by hanging on a tree” (5:30). “You murdered by hanging him on a tree.” In each of these instances, the next thing Peter said was that God raised him from the dead and anyone hearing this message, who repents, will be saved. And in most of these contexts, people came to Christ in huge numbers. The first sense we might take this is that the Old Testament church killed Christ.

Another way to take it is that the church has existed from before the beginning (Eph. 1:4). The difference between the Old Covenant and the New is that Jesus came, lived, died, and rose, all fulfilling the Old Covenant. At that time, before his ascension and before the Spirit was poured out at Pentecost, the New Testament church didn’t exist yet. Then, when the Spirit was poured out, the 120 people in the upper room were filled and within 24 hours 3,000 more were added to that number. And those extra 3,000 people killed “this Lord and Christ” (Acts 2:36) When they heard that, they were cut to the heart and fell on their faces in repentance.

My point here is that while the Father sent him, and Jesus gave himself, people killed him. Whether you are talking about the Old Covenant church or the New, Jesus’ people killed him. Many of these people, when they heard the message, repented and became the New Testament church. These killed him. This means that the bride killed Jesus. The one he gave himself to save, to make her beautiful, killed him. If you or I had been the only people on the planet, Jesus would have died for me, for you and in addition, we would have been the one pounding the nails into his hands and feet. We would have whipped him. We would have dropped his cross into the hole and stood there and watched him die. We were ugly, sinful, vile, stained, covered in puss and warts, we killed the Lord of Glory.

But Jesus didn’t just allow it to happen. He did it as an act of love. He voluntarily went to the cross as an aggressive act of love. Thus, the bride of Christ killed the prince of life and at the same time, Jesus gave himself to be killed by a sinful and ugly woman, in order to make her beautiful, without spot or wrinkle.

We are reminded of this great act of love when we read 1 Peter 2:21-25:

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: “Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

In the immediate context, Peter is talking to slaves and telling them that they should have the same attitude toward their masters that Jesus had when he suffered and died. Instead of becoming bitter and angry, rebelling and causing a ruckus, they should entrust themselves to the Father who judges righteously. But notice here what Jesus did. When he suffered, he didn’t sin. He didn’t use his position as the Son of God to pull rank and lash out against his tormentors. When they reviled him, he didn’t revile in return. Isaiah says, “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth” (Is. 53:7). When we read the Gospel accounts of his trials and the events that led up to the actual crucifixion, we see them tearing off his clothes, cursing him, beating him, scourging him, screaming at him, treating him rather badly, and then finally dragging him off to a hill and pounding nails into his hands.

At any moment during these events, Jesus could have spoken one word and all these people would have popped out of existence. Gone. He could have made it so that not only they ceased to exist, but also no one in their family before them or after them. Jesus could have stopped these things at any time. We know this because several times in his ministry, he did things like walk through a crowd that wanted to stone him (Jn. 8:59). It wasn’t his time. But this was his time.

This was his time to lay down his life for his friends (Jn. 15:13). And he did it at the hands of those who he came to save. The church killed him. We killed the Lord of glory. What I want to focus on is that he did it. He gave himself to it. He gave himself, as an act of love, to his wife to crucify him. None of this happened by accident. God, the father sent his son to be killed by his beloved in order to save her; in order to transform her; to make her beautiful. In doing this he loved us. It was an act of love. It didn’t happen to him, he gave himself to it.

Jesus loved his bride by letting her kill him and this is what Paul is calling husbands to in Ephesians 5: 25-33 (notice the “likewise” in 1 Pet. 3:7). Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Men, how do you think of your wives? I don’t mean is she headed at you with a hammer and a large nail, but does she nag at you, tell you what to do, say mean things to you, and you lash out at her? Do you think you can fix her by jumping down her throat? Do you use your size or your loud deep voice to “control” her? Or are you prepared to die at her hands as an act of love for her?

I know what you’re thinking. But what kind of leader lets his follower walk all over him? What kind of leader lets his follower beat him up, flail him, yell at him, rip off his clothes, nail him to a cross and crucify him? “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Eph. 5:25). We need to get this first.

More on this coming. I hope.